Bad enough we made referees stars of the show, but now we’re giving TV time to set piece coaches? Good grief man. What do you coach anyway? Is “get it in the mixer and stick it in the onion bag” a job now? What next, a Shoe Lace Coach? Unbelievable.
Bring back the cane, and workhouse, and smog.
Anyway, the Wolves took on the Blouse, and it was always going to be anything but boring. Well, it probably could’ve been routine if it wasn’t for Jackson Tchatchoua but the game is indeed, the game.
If you want a quick read on the game, broadly we were shite but a draw is a fair outcome. Ideally you want to win derbies, home and away, but to go to “that lot” and get a point is always good.
Jose Sa – 6/10
You do have to feel for Sa in some way; it really does feel that most of the goals that have been scored against us this season are from AI generated YouTube videos titled “WHEN FOOTBALL GOES WRONG? | 4K MISHAPS”, and the thumbnail is Haaland is on fire and being run over by a Build This Car Miggly or whatever Chinese EV is popular these days.
However, donation to the Stansfield Drought Fund aside, Sa had a middling game. Stopped the ball going in the net, mostly, with aplomb, and also made you hold your breath a bit as he goalkeeps in a different postcode. Standard Sa stuff.
Deserves a higher than average rating for simply fighting against Matchfix Tchatchoua’s attempts to throw the match.
Hugo Bueno – 6/10
Ooogo Bueno had a decent game, for me. Fine at the back, fine at the front. I didn’t notice him much which means he’s had a fine game.
Maybe a bit distracted thinking about Benfica, but, who isn’t? Oh, Vangelis Pavlidis.
Ladislav Krejci – 7/10
Here he is! It’s so funny, you look like this fella who played for us last season. Did you join on deadline day? We haven’t seen your face all summer.
The word “bullet header” gets thrown around so much these days, but that was Bullet Bill stuff. Stevislav McQrejci in Bullit. Welcome to Wolverhampton Wanderers son.
Otherwise fine for me at the back.
Nasser Djiga – 6/10
I think Djiga’s having a good season, all told. Didn’t look the part early on at Rangers, settled into his season. He ultimately looked a safe pair of hands throughout the day and played well.
Jackson Tchatchoua – 0/10
Fuck off man. Just. Fuck. Off. How do you do that? I am an overweight, mid thirties man with two blown ankles and a dodgy knee, and I could do better at right back than this turkey. Jesus Christ man. Who’s got a transfer window still open? Tajikistan? Okay, you’re going there mate.
I try to see the good in everyone but man, you are not a footballer. Play John Ruddy at right back. Recall Hwang and play him at right back. Play nobody at right back. Just not him!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
Andrè – 7/10
You know what? It feels a little unfair to credit him with an “assist”. It’s still an assist but it was a lovely little flick on from a corner to give Krejci the opportunity to smack it in. Top 1 “my friend, look at this”‘s of the week.
Terrific presence of mind all round, and we’re so, so glad he’s here. He’s too good to be playing in the Championship, he’s too good to be playing for Wolves, yet both of these things are currently true.
Marshall Munetsi – 5/10
A lot of people are still dunking on the Running Man, Runetsi, Marshall Matherathons, and so on, but again, he was fine.
I don’t really think you can hold him responsible for some of the less savoury elements of today. Didn’t really leave an impact but didn’t also do much of anything. Does that make him bad?
I think at any level, “a guy who runs around” adds a layer of tactical complexity to a game. Do you chase him and mark him? Leave him be? A secret third thing? More footballers should just “go for a run” more often.
Fer Lopez – 8/10
What do you even say at this point man? When he scored that banger goal for Celta in the Europa, it felt like he was a million miles away from Wolverhampton Wanderers.
Now if he doesn’t end the season with 40 goals you’ll feel a bit disappointed. Gets where water doesn’t and where some of the sad sacks from last season wouldn’t.
Rodrigo Gomes – 8/10
He’s having a hell of a season, and earnt a passing grade for his assist in the opening stages alone. Capitalised on a horror show at the back from Blues to nearly add a second after quarter of an hour.
Listen, the kid’s good. Runs about, makes things happen, very good footballer.
Adam Armstrong – 5/10
Largely fine to anonymous before absolutely bungling that chance towards the end. My grandad could’ve scored that and he’s been dead for nearly 30 years.
Raul Jimenez – 6/10
Worth it for that free kick alone. Jesus the man loves a dead ball.
Absolutely fine to good for me, probably should’ve run quicker to let Doyle on sooner but, judge not lest ye be judged, or something.
Substitutes
Jordan James – 6
Set a haircut to his watch, or however the Simpsons quote goes. Fine player but didn’t do much for me along with Mane and Doyle. I suppose what are you expecting footballers to do at the circus.
Mateus Mane – 6
Fine.
Tommy Doyle – 6
Fine.
Sean Neave, Boubacar Traore – n/a
Came on too late for me to really do anything. As always, good to see some Boubs and good that yer man from Adolescence hasn’t been typecast.
